Being A Love With Someone
Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and it’s a good time to think about love. Rather than contemplate the joys of being “in” love, why not consider being “a” love with someone? Being in love is a wonderful, intense sensation – but that’s all it is: a sensation. It is a chemical reaction that lasts 7-17 months, and the end can be a real let down. Being a love means being a partner in life, someone who is a source of support, growth and affection. Being a love “with” someone means finding the person or persons who return what you give in equal amounts.
This kind of love can be romantic, sexual or platonic – it just needs to be shared. This ideal isn’t easy to achieve – it takes compatibility, work and commitment. It also takes honest, clear communication about expectations, needs and boundaries. To truly protect a love in your life, consider taking the further step of memorializing your relationship agreements in writing. It is better to do this when you are in accord with one another so that you have a positive experience putting the agreement together. Here are three types of agreements that we recommend.
Prenuptial
Marriage brings with it a large number of state-imposed rules about finances, ownership interests and other rights and obligations that two consenting adults may want to resolve on their own terms. When contemplating marriage, consider working with a family law attorney to memorialize your arrangements so that saying “I do” doesn’t inadvertently change reasonable understandings and arrangements. Being a love in someone’s life includes bringing clarity and certainty.
Postnuptial
Once two people have married, circumstances can change. A new graduate degree, children, an inheritance or any number of other factors can impact how you want to organize your lives. A postnuptial agreement, particularly when the relationship is filled with love and respect, can help two people acknowledge and agree on how to manage the changes in their lives. A family law attorney can help navigate the marital laws and provide insights and suggestions for an agreement that works for both of you.
Cohabitation
Not everyone makes a primary commitment through marriage. Whether you are in a romantic relationship and don’t wish to get married, or you have a committed, platonic arrangement with another with whom you may or may not live, spelling out the details of the relationship can help make sure that you protect yourselves, not just in the event of things turning sour, but also in connection with outsiders. After all, you have the right to reach whatever agreement you want with your loved one, and a written agreement can be an important source of information for family and others in the event of a crisis.
The key to being a love with someone is resolving to take life on together that can have different meanings to different people, so an agreement, laying out important issues, boundaries and expectations is an excellent exercise to bring you closer together. Working with a family law attorney can be particularly useful since they bring their experience and knowledge to provide creative, detailed solutions before a problem can even happen.
Do you think you and your love need to create a relationship agreement? Contact us today for a consultation.